Why I Stepped Away from Bedside Nursing

When your mother says to you,“what happened to my sweet girl?”

It’s time to step away.

This video I recorded in an high emotion state in 12/2022. Still trying to work on my mental health from the emotional trauma of being an ER nurse.
I was reluctant on actually posting it but decided to be vulnerable to bring awareness to the mental health of nurses.

There is very disturbing data that between 2007-2018 nurses were 18% more likely to die from suicide then the general population. This was before the stress of Covid!

From 2017-2018, 729 American nurses committed suicide! This is the highest reported number. Again this is pre-covid. It takes roughly 2 yrs to compile estimates of suicide rates. Can we really wait another 2 years! We already know that there is a rapid increase in depression, burn out and suicide amongst nurses.

We Need Help Stat!

Some of us never stopped working. We kept going and going, day after day because we kept loosing more staff and patients kept getting sicker. When I went to Texas I worked 40+, 12hr days in a row. Then had 1 day off, then worked 10 more and that cycle repeated for months.

When I finally stepped away in September of 2022 I had to come to terms and cope with the mental trauma that I had hidden for years.

I’ll be completely honest. If it wasn’t for the thought of how devastating it would be on my mother. I would be one of the statistics above.

…. And before you even say, “why didn’t you call me?!”

Because I didn’t want to, Period.

I didn’t have then energy, the burden to give and the knowing what comes next as a nurse.

There was never a lack of support system or someone to talk to or hotlines to call. I knew what would happen if I went to an ER for help. I treated many of those patients and most came back. I think this is why healthcare workers will never seek help… because we know the system.

What got me through those dark days?


No matter how big or small… you need to find one purpose for staying. For me, that was my mother. I could never hurt her like that.

I knew that my husband, family and friends would be devastated and grieve but they would eventually move on with their lives. Not my mother. It would break her and I didn’t want to be responsible for that.

Even though she doesn’t know it, she’s the one who saved me.

To all the healthcare workers

I know how you’re feeling.

Please find your purpose!

If you can…please share your purpose in the comments below. If not you can email me.


The National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention has a Comprehensive Blueprint for Workplace Suicide Prevention that provides guidance to workplaces to promote mental health and suicide prevention

If You Need Help Now!

call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. 988 connects you with a trained crisis counselor who can help.

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